Can Sister Hong Teach Us What Straight Men Really Want?
How Would a Therapist Analyze This Case?
If you’re following the news and trends of the Chinese-speaking world—and considering you’re subscribed to this newsletter, you probably are—then you’ve likely heard about the Nanjing Sister Hong incident (南京阿红事件).
If not, let us briefly explain it, because this article isn’t about the what, but rather the why.
“Sister Hong” (阿红 or 红姐) is the nickname given to a 38-year-old man from Nanjing who allegedly lured over 1,600 men into having sex with him while posing as a married, middle-aged woman. Sister Hong didn’t ask for payment in exchange for the encounters; instead, he requested small gifts. Some brought fruit, kitchen appliances, or even a half-empty bottle of cooking oil. He recorded the acts and shared the footage in a private online group, for which he charged a membership fee.
The case quickly became an internet sensation, with memes spreading across the Chinese-speaking world and beyond. What shocked most netizens wasn’t the sheer number of men who were deceived, but rather the diversity. There were older men from poor backgrounds, but also students, wealthy individuals, very attractive men, and even foreigners. Most surprisingly, many either never realized Sister Hong was a man—or continued the act even after finding out.
But why? Why did so many men fall for Sister Hong? And why did some return multiple times, fully aware that he was a man?
Let’s see what a therapist has to say about this case.
两性专家欣西娅在社群媒体上分享观察，认为「红姐」之所以吸引众多男性，不仅止于外表或性诱惑，而是展现出极高的情绪价值与互动技巧。
温柔如一股春风：她指出，红姐的谈吐温柔自然，没有一般刻意模仿女性的扭捏与夸张，反而在细节中流露体贴与贴心。无论是主动准备水果零食，还是在事后关心对方、送到门口道别，都让人感受到被照顾的幸福感。
性诱惑 (xìng yòuhuò) – sexual temptation / sexual allure
情绪价值 (qíngxù jiàzhí) – emotional value
互动技巧 (hùdòng jìqiǎo) – interaction skills
谈吐 (tántǔ) – manner of speaking / way of expressing oneself
扭捏 (niǔniē) – affectedly shy or coy; pretentiously demure
夸张 (kuāzhāng) – exaggerated / over the top
流露 (liúlù) – to reveal unintentionally / to show (feelings, emotions)
体贴 (tǐtiē) – considerate / thoughtful
贴心 (tiēxīn) – intimate / caring / sweet and attentive
Relationship expert Cynthia shared her observations on social media, believing that the reason “Sister Hong” attracts so many men is not limited to her appearance or sexual allure, but lies in her display of high emotional value and interaction skills.
Gentle like a spring breeze: She pointed out that Sister Hong’s speech is gentle and natural, without the deliberate affectation or exaggeration sometimes seen in people imitating women. Instead, she reveals thoughtfulness and consideration through the small details. Whether it’s proactively preparing fruit and snacks, or showing concern afterwards and seeing the other person to the door to say goodbye, it all gives people a sense of being cared for and cherished.
在与一名被称为「四季哥」的男子互动中，红姐展现出对话引导与关怀能力。
关怀的情绪价值：当对方提到最近没有亲密接触时，她不带压力地询问原因、表示兴趣，并回应「那有腹肌吗？」这不仅是聊天技巧，更是抓住了男性渴望被关注、被肯定的心理。即便四季哥本身较为内向，却在红姐面前能主动发问、放松表达，甚至展现出保护者的姿态，这样的互动是他在日常人际中未必能获得的。
对话引导 (duìhuà yǐndǎo) – conversation guidance / guiding a dialogue
关怀 (guānhuái) – care / concern
即便 (jíbiàn) – even if / even though
内向 (nèixiàng) – introverted / shy
姿态 (zītài) – posture / attitude / manner
人际 (rénjì) – interpersonal (relationships)
In her interaction with a man referred to as “Brother Four Seasons,” Sister Hong demonstrated her ability to guide conversation and show care.
The emotional value of care: When the man mentioned he hadn’t had intimate contact recently, she gently asked why without putting any pressure on him, expressed interest, and responded with “Then do you have abs?” This wasn’t just conversational skill—it captured the male psychological need for attention and affirmation. Even though Brother Four Seasons is usually more introverted, he was able to take the initiative to ask questions and express himself comfortably in front of Sister Hong, even displaying a protective posture—something he may not often experience in regular interpersonal interactions.
红姐也懂得适时「制造被男人保护的需求」。像是在某段影片中，她发现地板上疑似有蟑螂，并非惊声尖叫或逃离，而是用柔声示意男子处理，甚至协助一起寻找，既让对方展现「英雄救美」的本能，又营造出陪伴与合作的氛围。
疑似 (yísì) – suspected / seemingly / suspected to be
营造出 (yíngzào chū) – to create / to build up (a certain atmosphere, environment, etc.)
Sister Hong also knows how to create moments where a man feels needed to protect. For instance, in a certain video, when she noticed what seemed to be a cockroach on the floor, she didn’t scream or flee, but gently indicated to the man to handle it, even helping to look for it together. This allowed the other party to display his instinct to “save the damsel in distress,” while also creating a sense of companionship and cooperation.
欣西娅感叹，从心理与互动层面来看，红姐的确给予男性在生理与心理上的双重满足。这也让她深思：男人真正想要的是什么？如果只是外貌与身材，那终将随时间而消逝，唯有理解与情绪交流才能长久。她坦言，自己虽写过无数关于两性关系的文章，却也不得不承认「知易行难」，在实际互动中，自己恐怕都还做不到红姐那般「到位」。
感叹 (gǎntàn) – to sigh with emotion / to exclaim / to lament
外貌 (wàimào) – appearance / looks
终将 (zhōngjiāng) – eventually / in the end
随时间 (suí shíjiān) – with time / over time
消逝 (xiāoshì) – to fade away / to disappear
坦言 (tǎnyán) – to speak frankly / to confess
知易行难 (zhī yì xíng nán) – easier said than done (literally: "knowing is easy, doing is hard")
Cynthia sighed that, from both psychological and interaction perspectives, Sister Hong indeed gives men both physical and emotional satisfaction. This made her reflect: what is it that men really want? If it’s only about looks and figure, those will eventually fade with time. Only understanding and emotional connection can endure. She admitted that although she has written countless articles on relationships, she must also admit that “it’s easier said than done”—in real-life interactions, she herself probably wouldn’t be able to achieve the level of “attentiveness” that Sister Hong does.
针对网络上有人自嘲「女人输了」，欣西娅则不以为然。她认为，任何人都可能具备值得学习的优点，也可能犯错，不必用性别划分输赢。真正的价值在于从中看见人性与关系的复杂与深度，从而审视自身，成为更懂得互动与珍惜的人。
自嘲 (zìcháo) – to laugh at oneself / self-mockery
不以为然 (bù yǐ wéi rán) – to disagree / to disapprove / to not think so
划分输赢 (huàfēn shū-yíng) – to divide into winners and losers / to frame things as a win-or-lose situation
审视自身 (shěnshì zìshēn) – to examine oneself / to reflect on oneself
Regarding online comments joking that “women have lost,” Cynthia strongly disagreed. She believes that anyone can possess admirable qualities worth learning from, and anyone can make mistakes—there is no need to frame things as a battle between genders. What truly matters is seeing the complexity and depth of human nature and relationships, and using that to reflect on oneself, becoming someone who better understands how to interact and cherish others.
Do you agree with this therapist’s analysis of the Nanjing Sister Hong incident? Or what’s your take on the case?
Antoine & Dorota